Restless Nights & Caffeine Highs :: OPEN

if i ever leave this world alive

I'll be here when it all turns weird.

The air was bitter and chilled. It would have surprised Evan if he hadn’t gotten used to New York’s erratic climate. One minute it could be sunny and warm, the next it’d be raining. That was how New York worked or maybe that’s how every placed worked and yet everyone still put their trust in a weatherman that really had no idea what was going to happen. Either way it was bitter cold at nearly midnight. This should have been the point in which Evan decided it was time to make his way back to Second Street Res Hall, but there was still a rebellious teenager living within him. Besides in was in the ‘city that never sleeps’ so that meant he had plenty of time to wander around town without having to worry about whether or not they’d be open, very unlike his home in Ireland. There everything shut down around sunset and the only thing opened after were the pubs. Ireland. A tinge of homesickness swept through Evan for a moment and his paced slowed just a bit as he walked through the streets of New York City.

Evan took a deep breath of the night air to still his mind. There were a lot of things about his time in Ireland that he didn’t want to remember, at least not out here in the middle of the world. They were things he only chose to remember when he needed them, like that short film he did for a friend last month. How the thoughts of his dead father had brought him to tears at just the right point. He stopped suddenly and pushed his hands against his head, trying to keep the thoughts from overwhelming him. Da. The cold bit at his eyes, full of unshed tears and pain. Another deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. He needed to breathe. All the years since his father had died and yet still the thought tore him apart. Was there any way to move on? Was it even possible? Or was he simply going to mourn his father for the rest of his life? Was every stranger on the street going to remind him of him?

Evan started as his phone blared to life in his pocket, crooning the words of one of his favourite songs. If I ever leave this world alive I’ll take on all the sadness that I left behind. If I ever leave this world alive the madness that you feel will soon subside. So in a word don’t shed a tear I’ll be here when it all turns weird. If I ever leave this world... “All right Mum?” Evan said as he pressed the screen on his iPhone and stuck it to his ear. What could his mother want from him at this time of night? He sighed softly to himself after a moment. All she wanted was to talk. Nothing was wrong. She was just lonely. He couldn’t blame her for that. Times were different, had been for a long time. His mother had spent years taking care of his sick father. It had become her full time job. Once he died she seemed to have lost her purpose in life, at least that’s how Evan thought she felt. Now she spent her time writing and making sure Evan had everything he needed. A horn wailed on the street and Evan cursed. “Hold on Mum I can’t hear you. Just give me a second.”

Evan ducked into the nearest open door. The bells jingled as he entered and he found himself in a coffee shop, which was basically dead. One girl sat at a table and there was a gentleman behind the counter that seemed more than irritated. Evan dug into his pocket and pulled out a crinkled five dollar bill. “Cup of tea,” he said to the guy behind the counter who seemed to roll his eyes and took the money. Evan would have stuck the change in the tip jar, but felt it unnecessary with such hostility from the guy, so he pocketed the change and took a seat several tables away as he continued to listen to his mother talk.

“No. I’m fine Mum…No I’m not just saying that so you’ll let me go. Yes, I realize I haven’t called you in the last couple days,” Evan said before standing to retrieve the tea he’d ordered. He sat back down trying to talk quietly so he didn’t disturb the girl or the guy behind the counter. “I’ve been rehearsing.” Evan took a deep breath as he tried to keep his voice from rising. His mother did this on occasion, purposely called him just to find something they could argue about. It was her way of making sure he was actually doing all right. She would interrogate him until she felt he was telling her everything she wanted to know and then she’d tell him she loved him and hang up. It happened once a month, he was just hoping it wouldn’t happen that night. He took a sip of the tea and winced. Another thing he missed: real tea. American’s really didn’t do tea right.

“Aye Mum. Do we have to do this tonight?” Evan said slipping into his Irish accent as he ran a hand over his face. “I promise you I’m not doing anything to disappoint you. Aye I know I haven’t stopped by recently. I will. It’s just been hard getting away between work, rehearsal, and school. Yes. I’ll stop by next Sunday if I have a moment. Aye. Does that work for you? Please Mum don’t bring him up. I don’t want to talk about Da tonight.” Evan pressed his fingers into his eyes trying to dull the headache that was starting to form behind his eyes. “Listen Ma I think I’m losing service. Aye I can hardly hear you. What? Listen Ma if you can hear me I’ll talk to you Sunday. Bye. Love you.” Evan pulled the phone from his ear and hit the end button. He hated lying to her, but the last thing he wanted was to talk about Da.

“Sorry about that,” Evan said to the girl not too far from him. No doubt she’d heard the whole conversation, well at least his side of it. “You know how it is. Mother’s don’t really know how to keep themselves from harping on every aspect of your life. She means well. She’s just lonely. Without me around I think she gets bored and just needs to talk sometimes. Huh, like me I guess. Here I am just talking away and you don’t even know me. Sometimes being in such a vast city like New York can make strangers seem like friends. Or not. Just all depends on who you are. And I’m still talking. Sorry. I tend to rant when I’m feeling a wee bit frustrated...and apparently slip into an accent. Sorry. You probably think I’m a freak or something. Just as well I supposed. Yeah I’m going to shut up now.” Evan finally shut his mouth as he took a sip of tea. He didn’t really know why he’d just felt the need to explain himself to the girl, perhaps because he felt a bit guilty about how he’d handled his mother on the phone. He didn’t want anyone to think he wasn’t grateful to his mother, because he was. She meant the world to him, but there was still so much that irritated him about how she treated him. He wasn’t sick. He was perfectly healthy. She had to stop treating him like he was dying. It just wasn’t fair to either one of them.

1,280 | audrey/open | contemplative

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